Here we go again

"'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing" (Job 1:21-22).

Man, if those words could really be the deepest truth of my life today. If only my first and only response could have been to turn directly to God in an attitude of trust and dependence. But I am a fallen man in a fallen world. I did, in fact, find myself railing and wondering why in the world this cosmic joke was being played on me.

For the second time in 2 1/2 months, my hopes for a job I thought I would truly enjoy and thrive in were dashed against the rocks of reality. In a moment, things changed. Again. In May it was the death of the dream of being a summer lifeguard. Child's play compared to today's blow. Today, I had a conversation with an Olathe district official in which I discovered that the job I thought I had in the bag had been offered instead to a candidate who already had full gifted certification. Because I had not kept my standard certificate current, and thus did not qualify for the waiver process until it was renewed, I would have had to start the school year on long-term sub status anyway, with full-time pay, benefits, and a contract on hold until my certificate cleared. Given the option, they had to go with the sure thing.

So, life for us will essentially go back to what it was before. Except that now, my only option for the time being is subbing. I wouldn't do any good at this point to pursue teaching applications until the certificate thing is cleared. That will take a lot of work and a fair amount of expense to make it happen.

Surprisingly, I'm not as depressed as I thought I would be. Taking stock of my life, I must remember how blessed I am. I have an amazing woman and best friend in my wife, with whom I can share the journey, even as the ground got just as rocky as it was before. I am part of a great church community, and am using my gifts to live out a redemptive influence among students and families in an affluent yet spiritually needy culture. If not for the great week I just had at camp, I could find myself wishing the past three weeks could simply be erased.

But that would shortchange me of living the full, abundant life Jesus has offered. I can't just avoid the unpleasant. C.S. Lewis, whose pain in losing his beloved wife was far greater than mine in temporary setbacks in employment, wisely said "The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal." Or as Shakespeare's friar counsels the sullen Romeo, "A pack of blessings light upon thy back; Happiness courts thee in her best array; But, like a misbehaved and sullen wench, Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love. Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable." Even Christ in the Garden (upon which we dwelt last week at camp) wished he could change the course of the Father's plan. But He surrendered to the Father's will.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time and forge a different path, one that would have taken care of what seemed at the time to be trivial details but turned out to make all the difference. I wish the forces that determine my employment "destiny" would have steered a different course. But I'm compelled to say with my Savior, "Not my will, but Yours be done."

New/ Old Part 2

Just back from camp. Always a huge week for building relational bridges I can walk across throughout the year. I had a cabin of 22 (not a typo) 6th and 7th grade guys. It was a high energy bunch of boys, and my co-leader and I certainly had our hands full. There were several students in the cabin that were guests of our regular students, and they mostly had no solid church connection. That added a dynamic that was certainly interesting as various issues of using good judgment arose. (I had to remind myself a couple times that it's really a very good thing when unchurched kids come to a Christian youth camp!)

However, it was most of them that could have used better judgment. There were several pranks that should have stopped before they went as far as they did. My wife dealt with issues in her cabin like homesickness and then just plain sickness. I however, dealt with things like "pantsing," wrestling way too hard when you have nothing better to do, and various bodily functions. The joys of ministry to preadolescent boys!

But you know, the fact that I wouldn't have it any other way is proof positive that God's specific calling in my life supersedes my personal comfort and preference. There were moments during the week when I found myself basking in the glow of God-light as I saw Him breaking through and drawing the students to a deeper place of intimacy with Him. I learned in a fresh way to seek the beauty and glory of God in the places where many would see only the rough edges of 11-13 year old boys. While I am glad to be home in my own bed and able to have actual conversation with my wife again, I also find myself wishing that I could continue in the rhythm of spending concentrated time daily with the students I am entrusted with.

But, that's not what I sat down to blog about today. I've been meaning to give an update on what has happened in the search for a job. As of July 17, I have accepted a position in the Olathe School District as the gifted (Quest) teacher at two elementary schools, Ravenwood and Washington. I report for new teacher training on August 3, which by no apparent coincidence falls on Rene's birthday. What better birthday present could there be than to have a full-time job for the first time since we were married!

So, it seems like this 5-year journey may finally be drawing to a close, and a new chapter beginning. What a praise and answer to many prayers! I had so hoped to be able to find a position in Olathe, not only because we're right here, but also because of many good things I see going on in the district.

In the 5 years since I last taught full-time, we have seen a lot of heartbreak, dead ends, closed doors, and even false hopes. I have interviewed at numerous schools and school districts, including in Lawrence, Topeka, Manhattan, Liberty, Lee's Summit, KCK, and Platte County. Nothing. I applied at YouthFront and a fit was not found. In 2004 we thought we might be moving to Florida as I was offered a job there (ironically, a gifted position there as well). That lasted all of a week as I saw how poorly run the school there was, and how comparatively good things are around here, even without full time employment. I even explored venturing out of teaching altogether, applying or submitting resumes at places like Dick's, Old Navy, and Borders, even looking for full-time positions at Lifetime. Nothing. We were left trying to piece together a living out of multiple part-time jobs and no benefits for me unless we paid extra for them.

For our entire married life, Rene and I have lived this way. In fact, it's almost scary to think of what life can actually be like now. There are still some issues to work through related to certification; I have not completed all the coursework to become fully certified in gifted, so I have to jump through some special hoops. But it definitely seems as though the corner has been turned, that the long struggle may finally be improving.

It seems like this summer has been financially the toughest we've ever had as I was just not able to find anything to replace the income I would have had if not for the injury that prematurely ended my career as a lifeguard. Yet, we have managed to make it almost all the way through. I'm wondering how we'll adjust to comparative prosperity as we have gotten used to austerity; we will eventually get things paid off and still have some left. I'm really wanting to do this right.

So, that's me in a nutshell today. My heart is full and yet heavy. I am excited for the new job to start, yet there's some things that are still uncertain about the transition back into full time teaching. As I think back on camp, I really hope to maintain the relational momentum of this awesome week. I'm especially praying for one camper with whom I connected during the week, but due to various activity and family commitments, may not be able to get plugged in very often with our programming during the school year. I'm praying that I can continue to be an influence, even if through less than predictable contact.

Thanks for reading.

New/ Old

I'm starting a "new" job Monday. It's actually a job I had for almost 5 years, until Labor Day last year. I would not be returning to it, except I couldn't do the job I had lined up for the summer. I was "supposed" to be a lifeguard leader, which means that I would have supervised high school age lifeguards at a couple subdivision pools. I would also do some shifts in the lifeguard role itself. BUT... during training, I was trying to demonstrate a deep-water rescue skill. As I submerged with the "victim" (another lifeguard in training), I dislocated my right shoulder for the fifth time in about 12 years. The first three times meant ER visits and long rehab periods. The last two times just involved popping it back in (ironically these were both in water - the last one was at Ocean of Fun), taking some pain reliever, putting ice on it, and taking it easy for a few days.

Soooo, if I can't perform the rescue skills I can't complete the training. If I can't complete the training I can't be a lifeguard. If I can't be a lifeguard, I can't be a lifeguard leader. Therefore, no summer job. My job at the gym had disappeared when I "took a break" in February to do a long-term sub assignment and was too busy; every part-time job I applied for wasn't interested since they knew it wouldn't be very long-term. (One place gave me a $5 coupon for my time. Oo. Wow.)

So, I'm back to the place I was a year ago, only now I'm wondering if I'll remember how to do everything. Like riding a bike I suppose.

Nothing more thought-provoking than this. I'm still pondering what I want to say on the topic of what exactly the point is of labeling music as "Christian."